I was afraid of my doctor while I was pregnant.
Let me clarify. I don’t have white-coat hypertension where I get nervous at doctors’ offices. I didn’t (and don’t) believe that my OB was incompetent or that he didn’t have good intentions. I was just always afraid that what he as an OB, a trained surgeon, wanted for my birth was different from what I wanted.
We all want a healthy baby. No one who wants natural birth goes in saying that natural vaginal birth is more important than a healthy baby. Our friends and family who say “the most important thing is a healthy baby” seem to forget that sometimes.
I believe that there is (most of the time) more than one way to “just a healthy baby.” As a culture, it seems like we’ve gotten into this all or nothing approach with birth. You can have “just a healthy baby” in any manner it takes. Or you can risk it all for that natural vaginal birth.
This “don’t you just want a healthy baby” thing had gotten me really scared of my doctor. I was afraid that in his effort to just get me from point A, healthy pregnant lady, to point B, mommy with a healthy baby, he was going to use methods I didn’t agree with.
To this day, I have no idea how things would have turned out had I been going for a vaginal birth there at the end. (reminder – breech baby = me scheduled c-section)
I wish that I had taken more time at the beginning to shop around with providers and saved myself that trouble.
I wish that as I continued to be afraid of his “doctorness” that I had looked for someone I was more comfortable with.
I wish I hadn’t let that fear of unknown limit me to an OB.
I played it safe. Since my hematologist, family practitioner, and OB admitted that they didn’t know how I would do pregnant post-stroke, I took their guidance and was on a low dose of Lovenox (a blood thinner) throughout pregnancy. Now that I’ve done my research a bit more, I’ve found there’s no research to back this practice up. It doesn’t mean it’s the wrong approach, but it also doesn’t mean it’s the right approach. Taking the route that seems safest doesn’t always turn out that way.
At the very least, I should have looked around in pregnancy to find out all my options. Would there have been a practitioner willing to closely monitor my blood? Would there have been a practitioner who had a client with a similar history; what was her course of care? Would there have been a midwife willing to take me, even just prenatally?
Even with all that I thought I knew, I made the grand mistake of limiting myself to what I felt was the easy way.
I’m not saying in the least the OB’s are bad. That they are incapable. I’m not even saying that my choice to be with that particular OB was the wrong one.
I’m saying that unfortunately, I’ll never know for that pregnancy because I didn’t explore my options.
Don’t limit yourself to a practitioner based on any of these things:
• They seemed nice at the first prenatal
• They deliver at the hospital/birth center I like
• They work with midwives/OBs so they must be good
• They have good office staff
• They’re available on my due date
• Etc etc etc!
Don’t compromise! Don’t limit yourself to the first or second or whatever practitioner you come across just because you feel they are “good enough.” Yes, you can always change later. But once you’re with a provider, it’s easy to convince yourself that it’s just too hard to switch even if you’re not satisfied. Make the switch if necessary, but try to get the right provider the first time.
It’s worth your piece of mind to have the practitioner you feel most comfortable with.
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