What to do?

I have been encountering more and more often this idea in friends that the doctor knew best and their body couldn't possibly have done it on its own.

I honestly don't know how to deal with this mentality.

Yesterday the story I heard involved cesareans done for fear of too large babies. First baby was born vaginally with no problems, but four weeks before the due date. Second baby labored through but never descended so they rushed down for a section. Third baby was a scheduled section because "we figured out she was just too small to birth a regular sized baby."

Now at this point the family is beyond childbearing. I chose to smile and nod, sympathize quietly.

I felt no reason to ask if with the second baby they had attempted position changes to have gravity help move the baby down. Whether they had waited for the urge to push. Whether they had an epidural that interfered with feeling and the birthing muscles.

It wouldn't have helped this mom. There are no future babies; no way to go back and change things.

But would it have helped her daughter?

I was one of those that grew up hearing the horror stories of her mother's births. I had been a vacuum-extraction baby, after the first vacuum broke. After my brother's birth, my mother was sent to Cleveland Clinic for birth floor repairs following bad tears with the two of us (that were probably improperly repaired). My mother dealt with it without drugs, but "purple pushing" had certainly done a number on her. It was the only kind of birth she knew.

In these situations, when do you offer information? I don't want to cause pain, to damage a friendship or relationship when later I may be able to offer more help. But I also don't want women to go through life and childbearing without the knowledge that it can be powerful. Without the knowledge that it can be fulfilling rather than terrifying.

What do you do? Comments are very appreciated.