A Personal Story of Postpartum Depression Part Two

I finally decided to get treatment in April 2010, while we were in Mexico attending my brother-in-law’s wedding. I had several breakdowns on the trip and finally had the opportunity to really talk to my husband about it.

When we got home, I called a local therapist for an appointment. The first meeting went well, and she suggested I go to my family doctor for a prescription since that had helped me in college. I did, and things seemed to get better for awhile.
 

I stopped attending the therapy sessions though for a couple of reasons. I knew that the stresses of life and of my marriage certainly had contributed to the problem of my depression, but I didn’t like feeling that I was defending my husband during my counseling sessions. If I said that I trusted him, that we were working together, and that things were getting better, I felt that should be enough. Pushing him to come to counseling as well would not make things any easier for either of us if it wasn’t something he was comfortable with or ready for. Beyond that, it was difficult for me to get childcare and a way of getting to the therapy sessions. In the back of my mind I kept thinking about the cost, as we were already struggling to pay bills.
 

I continued to do well for awhile without therapy, relying on my own coping skills and the medication. I was on a fairly low dose, but looked forward to doing well without medication.
 

I’m not there yet.
 

In the past few weeks, my symptoms have reemerged. I found myself up at night, either forgetting to eat or binging, snapping at my husband constantly, and sitting on the recliner all day. It took me a couple weeks to notice the problem, but I quickly got in to see my doctor again. He suggested a medication increase or medication change. I asked to have blood work done first to rule out thyroid problems or anemia, which he was happy to do.
 

Fortunately, my blood work was clear, so last night I increased my dose as directed.
 

Unfortunately, I was up half the night.
 

Without sleep, I feel much the same. I can’t get anything done during the day due to exhaustion. I eat constantly, or forget to eat, because my brain is half down trying to cope. I’m irritable because I’m tired. I understand that medications can take 2-4 weeks to adjust, but this is madness. I don’t like being on medications either way, and being on a medication that I feel causes just as many problems, well, it doesn’t work for me.
 

I resolved one thing last night while I was lying awake – to look into alternative therapies for postpartum depression. That’s my goal for the next couple of days.