As a member of the childbirthing profession, I am a member of a number of listserves and email groups online. This week, one of the groups erupted with such a discussion that the current moderator stepped down and the group is going to have to re-form anew.
The topic: epidural kits and discussing epidurals in the classroom.
Some argued that having epidural kits “normalized” the idea of an epidural and made it easier for couples to get one. Others argued that without discussing epidurals, you are not actually providing informed consent. I take the second stance.
I have come to the conclusion in my own life that decisions that are best for me may not be best for others. Decisions that are good for me NOW may be different than decisions I made in the PAST or different from the decisions I may make in the FUTURE.
What does this have to do with childbirth education?
I do not think the focus of all childbirth education should be a natural birth at any cost. I don’t think we’re ready for it here in the U.S.
Please, don’t get me wrong. I think every woman that absolutely can do so, should have a natural childbirth. It’s good for her and for the baby.
But if we focus childbirth education as an all-or-nothing, we lose the women who may be on the fence. When we alienate women, we only hurt ourselves. (This, I think, is a failure of the feminist movement. But that’s a whole ‘nuther ballgame).
There are plenty of women out there who think that they cannot possibly cope with the pain and other distresses of childbirth. These women need to be empowered, not made to feel that they are less of a woman if they have an epidural in their birth. If they are empowered with information, maybe next time they have a natural birth in the hospital (as difficult as that may be). Then maybe they have a homebirth.
The woman who grows as a result of all her childbearing decisions will be the biggest advocate for natural birth. This is especially true among her close friends and her DAUGHTERS.
I have been trying to think about it that way as I formulate my classes. I want to support women in whatever birth they choose, even if it’s not the birth I would have.
“You had an epidural? How did you feel about that?”
“Stadol? That helped you get through?”
The topic: epidural kits and discussing epidurals in the classroom.
Some argued that having epidural kits “normalized” the idea of an epidural and made it easier for couples to get one. Others argued that without discussing epidurals, you are not actually providing informed consent. I take the second stance.
I have come to the conclusion in my own life that decisions that are best for me may not be best for others. Decisions that are good for me NOW may be different than decisions I made in the PAST or different from the decisions I may make in the FUTURE.
What does this have to do with childbirth education?
I do not think the focus of all childbirth education should be a natural birth at any cost. I don’t think we’re ready for it here in the U.S.
Please, don’t get me wrong. I think every woman that absolutely can do so, should have a natural childbirth. It’s good for her and for the baby.
But if we focus childbirth education as an all-or-nothing, we lose the women who may be on the fence. When we alienate women, we only hurt ourselves. (This, I think, is a failure of the feminist movement. But that’s a whole ‘nuther ballgame).
There are plenty of women out there who think that they cannot possibly cope with the pain and other distresses of childbirth. These women need to be empowered, not made to feel that they are less of a woman if they have an epidural in their birth. If they are empowered with information, maybe next time they have a natural birth in the hospital (as difficult as that may be). Then maybe they have a homebirth.
The woman who grows as a result of all her childbearing decisions will be the biggest advocate for natural birth. This is especially true among her close friends and her DAUGHTERS.
I have been trying to think about it that way as I formulate my classes. I want to support women in whatever birth they choose, even if it’s not the birth I would have.
“You had an epidural? How did you feel about that?”
“Stadol? That helped you get through?”
“You did everything you could to breastfeed this one? What do you think about breastfeeding the next one?”
Women are nasty enough to each other as it is. Don’t let that come over into the curriculum realm…
A lot of times, I think, we as childbirth educators and doulas forget that this is not our birth. Two wise women on another list this week talked about this concept in a great way.
Women are nasty enough to each other as it is. Don’t let that come over into the curriculum realm…
A lot of times, I think, we as childbirth educators and doulas forget that this is not our birth. Two wise women on another list this week talked about this concept in a great way.
From Polly Perez -
The Difference in Feeling Responsible TO and FOR
When you feel responsible TO others....
- You show empathy, encourage, share, confront, level, are sensitive, listen.
- You feel relaxed, free, aware, high self-esteem.
- You are concerned with relating person to person, feelings, and the person.
- You are helper/guide.
- You expect the person to be responsible for themselves and their actions.
- You trust and let go.
When you feel responsible FOR others....
- You fix, rescue, control, carry their feelings, don’t listen.
- You feel tired, anxious, fearful, liable.
- You are concerned with the solution, answers, circumstances, being right, details.
- You are a manipulator.
- You expect the person to live up to your expectations.
There is such freedom in that! (This kind of freedom is why I got out of teaching public school. I’m not wholly responsible for this kid’s A or F. His parents and he are responsible as well.)
My job as a doula or childbirth educator is to inform. As a doula, I consider this to be very secondary unless the couple also hires me as an educator. I can’t make anyone want to learn and find out and question. If you’re not satisfied with every single thing your care provider suggests, I can point you in the right direction and show you where to find information for your truly informed consent. But I can’t make you read it. And I can’t make you ACCEPT it. As a childbirth educator, I can present that information to you, but again, I can’t make you ACCEPT it.
We need to keep informed choice at just that – CHOICE.
As a side note, but very related to the idea of choice, here’s an article about the availability of midwives and how it changes maternity care for the better. Note – it doesn’t say choosing a midwife, but just that the choice is available. I think all women with normal pregnancies should be seen by midwives, but again, we’re not there yet…How I hope we are soon!
My job as a doula or childbirth educator is to inform. As a doula, I consider this to be very secondary unless the couple also hires me as an educator. I can’t make anyone want to learn and find out and question. If you’re not satisfied with every single thing your care provider suggests, I can point you in the right direction and show you where to find information for your truly informed consent. But I can’t make you read it. And I can’t make you ACCEPT it. As a childbirth educator, I can present that information to you, but again, I can’t make you ACCEPT it.
We need to keep informed choice at just that – CHOICE.
As a side note, but very related to the idea of choice, here’s an article about the availability of midwives and how it changes maternity care for the better. Note – it doesn’t say choosing a midwife, but just that the choice is available. I think all women with normal pregnancies should be seen by midwives, but again, we’re not there yet…How I hope we are soon!
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